A-Rod: Glad to be here, thanks for the opportunity.
Roscoe: You do know that you won't make as much money, and I'll probably use you and the rest of the offensive staff as a scapegoat after the season to take the heat off of me after we underachieve on the lofty goals we set for ourselves, right?
A-Rod: Yeah, I'm still warming up to that idea.
Roscoe: On the bright side, you will work only 40 hours a week. Sometimes less. I like the idea of letting you coaches go spend time with your families and hit the waterslide at the Seven Peaks.
A-Rod: Sounds okay to me.
Roscoe: We do things the right way here. We sacrifice the larger aspects of football in order to fulfill other areas of life such as: family, education, friends, friends of friends, cousins of friends, grandparents of cousins of friends, friends of educators, home teaching assignments, Elders quorum obligations, ward basketball, our wives and children, singles ward prospects for the single guys, any of the weird police reports that you see on the Daily Universe, the fan playbook guy, service to the creamery, and then football. It takes a lot of discipline, integrity, honor, tradition, and perfectly executed execution to be a coach in this system who can uphold all of these values.
A-Rod: I just want to do what's best for my family, really.
Roscoe: That's great. One more thing. You're going to have to lose the beard.
A-Rod: I'm outta here.
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