Delicious Football Cookies | Schmidt's Pastry Cottage
Utefans.Net - My Redzone
Look-up Member:
Mobile - Message Board - Best Stuff - Game Schedule - Photo Gallery - Quotable - Blogs - Join!
Username or email


Remember me

Forgot your password?

Become a Member!

Contribute to UteFans.Net
  • new threads
  • top posts
  • ute news
  • football news
  • basketball news
  • gymnastics news
  • best of the board
  • best of football
  • best of basketball
  • best of rivalry smack
  • Please visit our sponsors:
    Buy Utah Tickets
    Mullet Ute  icon
    Profile | Posts | Pics | Friends

    My Posts

    For all users. This page is automatically generated and contains the most recent and best work on the message board.

    Post Statistics:

    * Note: Current rankings are based on activity in the last calendar year.

    Recent Topics:

    Miss Universe Costume Contest? Miss Universe Costume Contest!

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-01-23 19:37:26

    NSFW if you work for The Man. e-costume-contest-went-well/

    >> View Responses


    Here you go, kids. In advance of Saturday's game, Loiter's interview with the Wildcats' head coach, Sean Miller.

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-01-16 13:05:04

    Sean Miller is the head men's basketball coach at the University of Arizona. Coach Miller started his career at Arizona in 2009 and has led the Wildcats to three NCAA Tournament invitations plus one appearance at the NIT. Prior to coaching the Wildcats, Coach Miller had a successful five year run at Xavier whereas he led the Muskateers to four NCAA appearances. Our intrepid UFN reporter, Loiter, was able to sit down this morning with Coach Miller at the Wildcat practice facility

    Loiter: Coach Miller, thank you for taking the time to speak with me.
    Miller: (* startled *) Wha…..Who the hell are you and why are you in my sauna?

    Loiter: I’m Loiter. We had an appointment. Your assistant told me to find you here.
    Miller: (* confused look, starts to gather himself *)……..Are you the guy that keeps texting me about some Russian dude?

    Loiter: Serbian, get it straight. Do you mind if I pour some water on these rocks? It always looks cool in the movies
    Miller: Your Not Supposed To……

    Loiter: (* pours water over heating element…..steam and sparks shoot through the sauna *)
    Miller: Jesus F………

    Loiter: Whoooweee! Guess I see why most guys wear towels in a sauna. Probably should’ve considered that.
    Miller: (* Annoyed *) Look, can we talk some other time?

    Loiter: Nope, nope. Shouldn’t take long, I only have a handful of questions
    Miller: (* Resigned expression *)……alright, knock yourself out. Just cover-up; your freckles are distracting.

    Loiter: Hmmm, I think of them as alluring, but tomato/tomatoe. According to folklore, you were quite the basketball savant growing up. Your ball-handling was so prodigious that you had a cameo in The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh. Is this correct?
    Miller: Yes, I had a small role as a kid.

    Loiter: I loved that movie. It starred Dr J, what was he like?
    Miller: Like I said, it was a small part and I didn’t interact with him much, but he seemed very nice.

    Loiter: How big was his package? I bet he was hung like a....
    Miller: What?…..I can’t believe you just asked me…… Listen, can we change the subject?

    Loiter: Sure, you also made a guest appearance on the Johnny Carson Show. How big was Carson’s..…
    Miller: If you’re just going to ask questions of how well-endowed all of my acquaintances are, we can stop this interview now.

    Loiter: Okay, no problem (* flips eight pages forward on legal pad *). Have you devised a scheme to contain Humpty tomorrow?
    Miller: Humpty? Who’s Humpty?

    Loiter: Shock G, from Digital Underground. You know, Humpty. He’s a rotational wing player for the Utes
    Miller: You mean the rapper?

    Loiter: Yeah, #35. He’s fun to watch.
    Miller: Isn’t that actually Kyle Kuzma?

    Loiter: That’s his birth name, but his handle is Shock-G….Humpty. (* starts singing Humpty Dance *)
    Miller: ….he’s got to be well into his 40s, I think you’re mistaken.

    Loiter: (* stands up) “You’re gonna fall when the stereos pump me”
    Miller: Please put on a towel.

    Loiter: (* starts to dance *) “I like to rhyme, I like my beats funky”
    Miller: I’m beginning to feel very uncomfortable

    Loiter: “I’m spunky, I like my oatmeal lumpy”
    Miller: Towel! On! Now!

    >> View Responses


    Here you go kids, fresh off the wire: Loiter's interview with USC basketball coach Andy Enfield.

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-01-02 13:25:19

    Andy Enfield is the head men's basketball coach at the University of Southern California. He came to national prominence as the head coach of Florida Gulf Coast University when his team advanced to the Sweet Sixteen at the 2013 NCAA Tournament. Our intrepid UFN reporter, Loiter, was able to sit down this morning with Coach Enfield prior to tonight’s game.

    Loiter: Coach Einfield, thank you for taking the time to sit down with me. Before we get started, I’m a bit unfamiliar with this hotel, do you know if we’re within 100 yards of a school or church?

    Enfield: I don’t believe so, why do you ask?

    Loiter: No reason (*wipes brow*). You’ve taken over the USC basketball program from PAC-12 commentator Kevin O’Neill. O’Neill was notorious for having a 100-page playbook. Tell me, what exactly was on those 100 pages? Because I saw O’Neill’s offense, and it didn't appear to have any set plays of any kind. Was the book mostly a compilation of Fleetwood Mac lyrics?

    Enfield: I’m not aware of such a playbook.

    Loiter: After selling a successful start-up company, you went on to coach Florida Gulf Coast to the NCAAs while being married to a former model. What’s it like being one of those insufferable pricks who has everything go his way?

    Enfield: It’s all right, I guess.

    Loiter: Your guard, Katin Reinhardt. Douche Canoe or just your run-of-the-mill Douchebag?

    Enfield: Uh,….neither?

    Loiter: He looks like the kind of guy who makes you want to stock up on Purell.

    Enfield: is that a question?

    Loiter: Your forward, Strahinja Gavrilovic; is he Irish?

    Enfield: Uh, no.

    Loiter: You’re a successful and mildly attractive man and since I’ve shot-gunned five Appletinis this morning; may I kiss you (* turns on boom box *)

    Enfield: No thank you.

    Boom Box: “I don’t want to wait for our lives to be over, I want to know right now what will it be…”

    Loiter: You have a very kissable mouth and a chiseled chin.

    Enfield: Stay away from me.

    >> View Responses


    I would hope you would support who we are. Not, who we are not. These six individuals have made a choice to work, a choice to sacrifice, to put themselves on the line 23 nights for the next 4 months, to represent you, this high school.

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-11-07 15:31:10

    That kind of commitment and effort deserves and demands your respect. This is your team.

    >> View Responses


    Second Request: Seeking a pair of lower bowl basketball season tickets.

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-10-03 17:32:53

    Greetings Everyone-

    This is an excellent opportunity for one of you to have your very own ‘brush with greatness’ story. I’m in need of a pair of lower bowl season tickets for the Runnin’ Utes, and you might be the lucky person to sell them to me. Since I’m a man of the people, I prefer to source these tickets from you: because the ticket office is for losers. You and I (*loosens ascot, sniffs brandy*)…..we are not losers.

    Some items of note regarding myself and our potential transaction:

    • I’m the Jack Nicholson of the JMHC. Like Jack, I have little effect on the outcome of a game, but I can make a bad game interesting. So it’s pretty important that one of you steps up and works a deal with me.

    • I will not sit in Section J. I don’t care what my dry cleaner says:you cannot get the smell of Section J off your garments. It’s the herpes of aromas.

    • I may or may not pick the tickets up in person. Should you want to meet West of Highland Drive, you’ll have to work with my security detail. West of State Street? (* leans back in chair, makes dismissive wanking motion *)

    • I realize that I’ve been flexible in the past, but if you want to discount the price of the seats in return for me sleeping with your wife, it will have to be 50% of the face value of the tickets. Almost forgot, I get the rights to the video; this is non-negotiable.

    So (* finishes brandy, throws glass in fireplace), should you have tickets, drop me a boardmail. Do it….do it for America.


    Mullet Ute

    >> View Responses


    I'm so conflicted about tomorrow. I want Mike Leach to be my uncle.

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-09-26 12:44:09

    >> View Responses


    Ever been to Fresno? It's like Tooele without the whimsy.

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-09-03 21:53:52

    >> View Responses


    The Sands Sportsbook odds for tomorrow's tailgate vs Idaho St:

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-08-27 21:10:41

    Newbomb takes his shirt off before kick-off: 5-1

    Ute King keeps his shirt on before kick-off: 5-1

    Sfork initiates and wins bareknuckle brawl with Bengal alumni: 15-1

    Chucker initiates and wins bareknuckle brawl with Bengal alumni: no-line
    (since Chucker is part lycan/part Chili-Mac, bookies won't touch this)

    Loiter has sex with a patron from the Green Pig in Shasta's trailer: 6-5

    >> View Responses


    Minutes from the HAP Board of Directors meeting last evening (and pub-crawl review)

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-08-17 19:55:34

    HORSE-A-Palooza Quarterly Board Meeting, Attendees:
    • Mullet Ute: Chief Science Officer, HAP Spirit Animal
    • Newbomb Turk: Chief Financial Officer, HAP Historian
    • Loiter: Chief Operating Officer, HAP Svengali

    Piper Down
    My father once gave me some great advice. There are some jobs that are best left to professionals: brake repair, interventional medicine and tattoo art. Regarding the later, it’s apparent that the patrons of Piper Down have no fathers. That or there’s a tattoo artist with Parkinson’s that’s playing a terrible joke on a lot of people.

    Between that, and the kaleidoscope-like scent of urine, body odor and Jameson’s, Piper Down was deemed unfit for any HAP business and we agreed to adjourn to the next location.

    Junior’s Tavern
    Junior’s was also deemed unfit for HAP business, not so much that it’s a bad establishment (it’s not), but that it’s completely forgettable. The vanilla ice cream of bars, if you will. In fact, I can only remember two things from that bar:

    “Wow, that’s a big @#$%ing mirror”…….Loiter.

    “She looks like Betty Paige”…….Newbomb Turk. (this was said in reference to a female patron of Junior’s….Turk then spent the next fifteen minutes explaining who Betty Paige was).

    It was over sushi that the HAP Board of Directors passed the first resolution of the evening. Loiter motioned that collegiate football teams with one-armed kickers should hereby be deemed as a protected species and assured top 25 ranking. The motion was met with awkward pause by Turk and Mullet (plus a WTF expression from the sushi chef), but after three Sapporos the motion was approved. A research grant was commissioned to investigate if one-armed collegiate football kickers are an exception to Rule 34.

    Murphy’s Bar and Grill
    If you are an attractive middle-aged woman who was walking hand-in-hand with your daughter after the curtain fall of Wicked, and you were startled from someone shouting “Check out that MILF!”……….then you had the privilege of being in close proximity to Newbomb Turk. This must’ve been a big moment for you.

    Green Pig
    It wasn’t until the Board secured a secluded table on the rooftop of the GP where real business commenced. The following motions were presented and approved:
    • When it comes to the attractiveness of the opposite sex, Mullet has no ‘type’. The motion was approved that moving forward he needs to establish a type.
    • In a mythical arena, a Great White shark would defeat a Silverback Gorilla in a fight to the death.
    • When you buy Loiter a Pabst Blue Ribbon and you chant “Ginger” three times, he must show you the picture of his mullet on his phone.
    • The next HAP Board of Directors meeting is scheduled for December 20th, immediately after the UNLV-Utah basketball game… the Spearmint Rhino (duh).

    >> View Responses


    I'm adding "Ice Up, Son" to my conference room lexicon immediately

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-08-13 12:04:25 08/steve-smith-wins-money-by-not-fighting . html

    >> View Responses


    I've met my share of celebrities in my life. Liam Neeson (snores). Robert Redford (little). Bruce Hornsby...twice (kind of awesome). Summer Sanders (hit on....and rejected). Kate Pierson (kind of hit on...kind of hit on back....long story).

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-07-21 19:16:09

    But tonight I met Kareem Abdul Jabar. I was completely star-struck.

    >> View Responses


    Forced ranking of the couples from Cialis commercials. Thank you, Internet.

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-07-03 12:42:05 ed/

    >> View Responses


    The HAP and The Furious

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-06-02 17:45:25

    >> View Responses


    There will never come the day that UteKing fails to showcase his hoop skills at HAP. It will just get progressively harder to watch.

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-05-13 12:30:45

    >> View Responses


    HAP 2014: basketball, showmanship and hepatoxicity.

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-05-01 11:02:40

    >> View Responses


    HAP 2014: This is probably a big moment for you.

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-04-30 12:46:12

    >> View Responses


    Interwebs, how I love you so.....

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-04-08 15:38:44

    >> View Responses


    Nice thing about road games? My liquor cabinet.

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-03-16 18:46:40

    >> View Responses


    Wazzu timeline....

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-02-07 21:37:20

    6:00pm: Tip

    8:00pm: Utes win, reluctantly press down on oversized plunger at midcourt

    9:00pm: Loiter arrives home, binge drinks peppermint schnapps

    10:00pm: Loiter submits stream of consciousness post on UFN, bitching about officiating

    >> View Responses


    Utah 71, UCLA 65

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-01-18 11:48:12

    >> View Responses


    Seriously. I want to have sex with this movie. Passionate, primal lovemaking.

    by Mullet Ute
    2013-12-11 22:20:54 ictures/americanhustle/

    >> View Responses


    For the handful of truly depressing basketball nerds on the board, you might take interest in that Demetrius Walker is on the Grand Canyon roster. For the uninitiated, Walker is the central figure in the book They Played Their Hearts Out.

    by Mullet Ute
    2013-11-21 11:47:26

    In my opinion, the best basketball book since Loose Balls; a sad yet compelling account of the AAU basketball scene. ut-Basketball/dp/0345508610

    >> View Responses


    Come on out Thursday night and watch the Runnin' Utes take on the University of Phoenix. Some game notes.....

    by Mullet Ute
    2013-11-19 10:35:57

    The Antelopes are coached by former Phoenix Sun and skin bronzer-enthusiast Dan Majerle

    Section J will be present for Thursday's contest. Remember to keep the lids on your soft drinks tight and avoid direct eye-contact.

    While the Ute's have been drubbing their opponents this year, the defense has been allowing open looks from 3 point range. Expect the Antelopes, sharpshooters from +20', to test the Ute's perimeter defense.

    The sentence above was a work of fiction. The author has not researched the Antelopes beyond perusing Google images of Majerle

    Half-time will consist of Newbomb Turk walking through the stands showing children the scar from his appendectomy

    The sentence above was true.

    >> View Responses


    University of Utah Runnin' Utes vs UC Davis Aggies tipping off at 8:00pm. First five hundred fans get to touch Rocker Ute's hair.

    by Mullet Ute
    2013-11-15 14:37:16

    >> View Responses


    In the spirit of charity, I will gladly sign over my trademarks to all of my previous rec-league basketball teams to the University of Utah

    by Mullet Ute
    2013-11-12 12:47:17

    Walker Texas Rangers
    Copper Camel Fiesta
    White Guy From CHiPs
    Hornacek's Cowlick
    "WOOOOOOOO" (Ric Flair pronunciation)

    >> View Responses


    As a value-added service to this board, I present to you the sixth of a series of roster profiles for the 2013/2014 Runnin' Utes. Today's profile; Princeton Onwas.

    by Mullet Ute
    2013-11-11 10:33:37

    Princeton Onwas
    Junior – Guard/Forward
    6’5” 210lbs
    Houston, TX

    High-flying wing from Navarro College where he led the Fightin’ Labradoodles in scoring, averaging 11.5 points per game. Length, athleticism and adamantium coursing through his veins enables Onwas to be a shutdown defender from positions one through four. Solid mid-range shooter who received interest from a number of programs including Kansas State, TCU and the Legion of Doom. Owns 14 Hello Kitty backpacks. Onwas played in high school at Seven Lakes in Katy, TX; leading his team to a 32-7 record in District 5A. Princeton is the son to parents Carl Weathers and a Smith Machine.

    Basketball Spirit Animal: Brick $#@%House

    >> View Responses


    As a value-added service to this board, I present to you the fifth of a series of roster profiles for the 2013/2014 Runnin' Utes. Today's profile; Marko Kovacevic.

    by Mullet Ute
    2013-10-31 13:44:03

    Marko Kovacevic
    Junior – Forward
    6’11” 235lbs
    Belgrade, Serbia

    Transfer from Western Nebraska Community College expected to contribute significant minutes for the Runnin’ Utes on the front court. Led the WNCC Cougars in 2012 to a 26-7 record and the Region IX (whatever that is) Tournament finals, averaging 11.7 points and a team-best 7.8 rebounds a game as a freshman. Spends summers interning at the customer service desk of a Russian surplus attack helicopter brokerage. Size, strength and rebounding will be put to use as Jordan Loveridge transitions to Small Forward. Has tattoo on his back of two Grateful Dead teddy bears……..stabbing each other in a prison yard. A shot-blocker (42 blocks in 2012 @WNCC), Marko is anticipated to be a key rim protector when the Utes transition to Pac-12 play. Likes to smoke Newport Menthols and watch the Blu-Ray version of Highlander in his free time. Marko is the son to parents Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale.

    Basketball Spirit Animal: Steve McQueen

    >> View Responses


    Lou Reed's The Gun repurposed........brilliantly.

    by Mullet Ute
    2013-10-30 15:45:28

    Potentially NSFW. Not so much for British people swearing, but getting caught at your desk watching a video with Jeremy Piven in it.

    >> View Responses


    As a value-added service to this board, I present to you the fourth of a series of roster profiles for the 2013/2014 Runnin' Utes. Today's profile; Connor Van Brocklin.

    by Mullet Ute
    2013-10-25 15:36:07

    Conner Van Brocklin
    RS Junior – Long Snapper
    6’5” 195lbs
    Fruit Heights, UT

    Transfer with deep shooting range who averaged 15.9 points per game at Snow College. Van Brocklin’s average of 2.5 three point field goals per game especially impressive since the Scenic Western Athletic Conference employs donkey-rules basketball for its regular season. Runnin' Ute head coach Larry Krystkowiak says of Van Brocklin, "Connor brings great shooting skills and maturity to our program." Native of Fruit Heights, UT and attended Davis High School, so………… he’s got that going for him. A self-proclaimed ‘hair gel enthusiast’. Connor is the son to parents Joey Fatone and Enid Greene.

    Basketball Spirit Animal: Tranquilized Marshall Henderson

    >> View Responses


    As a value-added service to this board, I present to you the third of a series of roster profiles for the 2013/2014 Runnin' Utes. Today's profile; Brandon Taylor.

    by Mullet Ute
    2013-10-24 17:24:48

    Brandon Taylor
    Sophomore – Point Guard
    5’10” 162lbs
    Los Angeles, CA

    Saw time in 29 games as true freshman; starter for the last 13. Three-point threat (42%, 2nd in PAC 12) and playmaker (2.9 assists, 14th) who creates space on the offensive end of the floor. Uses whiskers on the side of his face to detect the high-screen pick & roll………..because he’s a cat. Enjoyed season high points (21) and assists (6) in win versus Washington. Fears nothing but universal remote controls. Had 10 points and buried a pickaxe into the small intestine of Allen Crabbe in Utah’s PAC 12 Tourney defeat of Cal. Brandon is the son to parents Donatello of Ninja Turtle Fame and a 150lbs compound crossbow.

    Basketball Spirit Animal: Scissor-Wielding Raptor w/Mounted Jetpack

    >> View Responses


    Top 10 Most Recently Posted Messages:

    Amazing how we call call out Poppinga victories for TDS, yet we subtly slideline the equivalent regarding SDSU. We lost. Deal with it.
    (0 days ago, 1 stars)

    ...yet there's a considerable delta between her and Tara Reid. In spite of Loiter's assessment, I do have a type.
    (2 days ago, 1 stars) other news, Hope Solo gets more attractive every day to me.
    (2 days ago, 0 stars)

    Miss Universe Costume Contest? Miss Universe Costume Contest!
    (2 days ago, 0 stars)

    Turk has a 242 bowling average.
    (2 days ago, 3 stars)

    Like bowling, there's an inverse correlation between your mastery of archery and your sex life.
    (2 days ago, 5 stars)

    So I want to get on the bus and dress like Rendondo, yet I have no idea where to shop for terry-cloth shirts. Any tips? Scratch...........where are you when we need you the most!?!
    (3 days ago, 5 stars)

    ^ took Pottery as a high school elective; made water bong.
    (4 days ago, 10 stars)

    Are there actually seats in the NEZ or are they stalls?
    (5 days ago, 6 stars)

    Mule some drugs in from Tijuana.
    (7 days ago, 6 stars)

    Put the shovel down
    (7 days ago, 2 stars)

    Here you go, kids. In advance of Saturday's game, Loiter's interview with the Wildcats' head coach, Sean Miller.
    (9 days ago, 31 stars)

    This is yet another retelling of a first encounter of mine. But rather than Loiter, this story plagiarizes my first date with Chucker. He also was naked (duh).
    (10 days ago, 5 stars)

    I did. But be forewarned; I am a man of Flyer-esque proportions.
    (11 days ago, 6 stars)

    Some of my best childhood memories are hunting for Finns with my grandpa. I miss the 80s.
    (11 days ago, 3 stars)

    Scrawny-armed Lowe is third. Scratch Rob Rob Lowe is a solid second.
    (11 days ago, 4 stars)

    Of all the Rob Lowe's, I think Meathead Rob Lowe is my favorite.
    (11 days ago, 3 stars)

    Remember when Mr Crimson used to refer to a former BYU HC as Cirque De Crouton?
    (12 days ago, 0 stars)

    ^ has JC Von Colln porn on his laptop.
    (12 days ago, 0 stars)

    Michael Smith is not gay!
    (12 days ago, 0 stars)

    Urban Meyer is a poor-man's Robert Anae.
    (12 days ago, 0 stars)

    Whenever I play the Pun Gun Game, I pray that someone draws Jim Usevitch
    (12 days ago, 1 stars)

    For the next 20 minutes, I will shoehorn BYU into all posts (* makes wanking gesture in Loiter's General direction *)
    (12 days ago, 1 stars)

    This is basically a re-telling of my first encounter with Loiter. Except for the fact that Loiter was naked and touched something else.
    (12 days ago, 6 stars)

    One word: Brazilian.
    (16 days ago, 3 stars)

    Things Loiter will be doing tomorrow without a Utah basketball game to watch.........GO!
    (16 days ago, 0 stars)

    I think Loiter should interview Chris Hill.
    (17 days ago, 4 stars)

    Kathy Lee: I like a lady who likes her wine. It's a competitive fire that can't be coached nor tamed.
    (18 days ago, 2 stars)

    Hoda: attractive, sturdy, probably of great use in the event of a zombie apocalypse.
    (18 days ago, 1 stars)

    So I stuck it to the Man today and worked from home. When they start busting out the wine on set, I find myself longing to be the lunch meat of a Hoda Kotb/Kathy Lee Gifford sandwich.
    (18 days ago, 0 stars)

    Sfork would be an amazing coach. Unfortunately, he can be easily bribed and is prone to drink.
    (18 days ago, 3 stars)

    Here you go kids, fresh off the wire: Loiter's interview with USC basketball coach Andy Enfield.
    (23 days ago, 27 stars)

    Isn't it a little early for Appletinis?
    (23 days ago, 4 stars)

    I bet your office is filled with posters of motivational phrases with images of eagles and mountaineers.
    (24 days ago, 10 stars)

    Soft Jazz draws a lot of water in this town.
    (24 days ago, 0 stars)

    I miss Chris Kupets. There was something strangley cathartic about throwing a glass of gin at my television.
    (24 days ago, 6 stars)

    I could annex Idaho with a bottle of gin and two friends with Swiss Army knives.
    (25 days ago, 3 stars)

    Yep....after two months of Norman Dale quotes, that's what I open with.
    (25 days ago, 2 stars)

    So I watched School Of Rock last night after the Utes went up 12-0 last night. Can someone explain to me how I found Joan Cusack to be so attractive in this film? Is it because there's a 70% chance that she's transgender? So many questions.
    (25 days ago, 1 stars)

    Strap, God wants you on the floor.
    (26 days ago, 3 stars)

    That's OK, he's an assistant coach
    (41 days ago, 3 stars)

    You know, most people would kill... to be treated like a god, just for a few moments.
    (51 days ago, 2 stars)

    You know, if everyone is as nice as you, country hospitality is gonna get an awful name.
    (52 days ago, 2 stars)

    Buddy, 41 is killing us. Just killing us. Stick with him! Think of chewing gum ... if he's chewing some, by the end of the game, I want to know what flavor it is!
    (54 days ago, 4 stars)

    There's a tradition in tournament play; not talk about the next step until you've climbed the one in front of you. I'm sure going to the state finals is beyond your wildest dreams, so let's just keep it right there.
    (61 days ago, 2 stars)

    I think you'll find these exact same measurements as our gym back in Hickory.
    (66 days ago, 7 stars)

    When's the last time anyone gave your father a chance?
    (73 days ago, 3 stars)

    But after what Jimmy did, it would take the Indiana National Guard to get me out of here.
    (76 days ago, 2 stars)

    First of all, let's be real friendly here, okay? My name is Norm. Secondly, your coaching days are over.
    (79 days ago, 4 stars)

    I would hope you would support who we are. Not, who we are not. These six individuals have made a choice to work, a choice to sacrifice, to put themselves on the line 23 nights for the next 4 months, to represent you, this high school.
    (79 days ago, 4 stars)

    All of you have the weekend to think about whether you want to be on the team or not, under the following conditions: What I say, when it comes to this basketball team, is the law ... absolutely and without discussion.
    (81 days ago, 2 stars)

    "My team is on the floor"
    (82 days ago, 7 stars)

    Between now and our first PAC-12 game, I will only post in quotes from Hickory High School Coach Norman Dale.
    (82 days ago, 6 stars)

    No. False. Not even in the the Top Ten. While uneven, 30 For 30 has put up some tremendus docs.
    (88 days ago, 1 stars)

    ....seriously getting my hopes up for the Miracle On Ice documentary from the USSR vantage.
    (88 days ago, 1 stars)

    Dude, The Two Escobars is an epic documentary. Not just a sports movie.
    (88 days ago, 4 stars)

    ....if it was Fisher DeBerry, I'd order a bottle and text Chucker to show up STAT.
    (88 days ago, 5 stars)

    ...I may have had a little bit to drink tonight.
    (88 days ago, 4 stars)

    If Todd Graham was in a restaurant and suddenly choked on his meal, I'd order a double of Maker's and pull up a chair to watch him slowly die.
    (88 days ago, 14 stars)

    I wouldn't piss down Todd Graham's throat if his heart was on fire.
    (91 days ago, 20 stars)

    Best Gameday sign: Kiffin's Krimson Korner.
    (92 days ago, 4 stars)

    ..and why did his parents find it necessary to spell his phonetically? Or did they do it on some sort of dare?
    (93 days ago, 2 stars)

    Who's Derik Stevenson?
    (93 days ago, 2 stars)

    I had no idea that Dolph Ziggler played DE for Nevada Reno. Oh, excuse me, University of Nevada (* wanking motion*).
    (98 days ago, 6 stars)

    I like boobs.
    (101 days ago, 6 stars)

    Turk brings a bag of quarters to the Spearmint Rhino.
    (106 days ago, 1 stars)

    .........Scratch's braided belt.
    (108 days ago, 3 stars)

    .....Sonny Lubick.
    (108 days ago, 2 stars)

    ....Loiter's frosted tips.
    (108 days ago, 2 stars)

    Sorry, just saw a post below regarding Wynona Ryder and asked myself of things that haven't been relevant for 15 years.
    (108 days ago, 1 stars)

    I miss the Lemonheads
    (108 days ago, 1 stars)

    Grosse Pointe Blank almost made me want to buy a Lincoln. Almost.
    (110 days ago, 2 stars)

    Drca is Serbian for purse.
    (110 days ago, 4 stars)

    I've written a bill that embargoes Oly after the WSU clusterfest. I'm confident it will get passed, Becky Lockhart is secretly longing for my return.
    (110 days ago, 4 stars)

    ....Dude, there's your problem. We all know who's alias that is. Had you said "DiMaria", you would've been ushered to the Keystone Light Room.
    (110 days ago, 4 stars)

    Did you pronounce my name correctly? Are you sure you were at Sonny's? Were the walls lined in skid plate? So many questions.
    (110 days ago, 1 stars)

    .....Sonny's on Arizona Ave. Tell them Mullet Ute sent you.
    (110 days ago, 2 stars)

    The first? When I patroned a stripper bar in Chandler, AZ on a Monday afternoon.
    (110 days ago, 5 stars)

    Friday night I watched The Room at the insistance of a friend. It was the second time in my life I said "I don't think I'm drunk enough to get this".
    (110 days ago, 2 stars)

    Bittersweet news: they're rebooting CHiPs for a cinematic release (* shoots pistols in air *). Starring Dax Shepherd (mother-&%#$er!)
    (110 days ago, 1 stars)

    Florida-Georgia Line. Make it stop. Make The Bad Men Stop!
    (110 days ago, 4 stars)

    (* looks under bed for #%$& to give *)
    (112 days ago, 22 stars)

    (* reaches down, pats head *)
    (114 days ago, 0 stars)

    Second Request: Seeking a pair of lower bowl basketball season tickets.
    (114 days ago, 9 stars)

    "So I wake in the morning and step outside. I take a deep breath and I get real high..."
    (115 days ago, 1 stars)

    The citizens of Lexington, KY don't seem to care for power ballads from the early 90s. Weird
    (115 days ago, 0 stars)

    Went to a karaoke bar last night. Got drunk. Sang What's Up? from 4 Non-Blondes. Killed it.
    (115 days ago, 6 stars)

    It's my dog's fault. Never should've taken him to the tailgate.
    (118 days ago, 1 stars)

    I'm so conflicted about tomorrow. I want Mike Leach to be my uncle.
    (121 days ago, 9 stars)

    Bronco teaching Pomerianans to lead with their head when tackling Loiter's red shoes........
    (121 days ago, 9 stars)

    I find both sides of your analogy adorable.
    (121 days ago, 3 stars)

    I honestly don't understand the vitriol over Bronco; I dislike him like I dislike my neighbor's Pomerianan. Conversely, the thought of Todd Graham being subjected to physical harm makes me all warm inside.
    (121 days ago, 6 stars)

    Hating Todd Graham just feels right.
    (121 days ago, 11 stars)

    My hate for Todd Graham is at Fisher DeBerry-level.
    (121 days ago, 5 stars)

    Total Divas is the cultural/intellectual peak of television entertainment. I will fight any of you who disagree.
    (122 days ago, 0 stars)

    Loiter plays bass for U2
    (122 days ago, 2 stars) would be a lot cooler if you brought the trannies.
    (123 days ago, 3 stars)

    I'm not seeing a trunk, so where would you hide your shame?
    (123 days ago, 12 stars)

    ^ proof of life ^
    (123 days ago, 1 stars)

    Conversation with friends about reasonably-priced tranny hookers > conversation with friends about Hill vs. Wilson.
    (123 days ago, 6 stars)

    Top 10 Most Recommended Messages:

    As Labor Day approaches, it marks the annual rite of passage at UteFans. That's right, kiddies, it's time for the 2009 MWC Football Coaches Roundtable....enjoy: (66 stars)
    2009-08-27 10:09:45

    You realize we're in the PAC-12, right? (43 stars)
    2011-05-31 05:36:19

    Monday morning at the office of the U of U Athletics Director...... (41 stars)
    2011-03-28 14:51:22

    Monday morning at the U of U AD Office…….. (41 stars)
    2011-03-12 09:50:46

    In all seriousness, I think I speak for all us in that Boise St has some darn-sharp new uniforms and we wish them nothing but the best of luck at the Tour de France next month. (39 stars)
    2009-06-17 10:36:00

    This is a Pug dressed up as a Bantha. Your update is irrelevant. (38 stars)
    2012-11-08 14:54:25

    Here you go kiddies, Mullet Ute's interview with USC football coach Lane Kiffin..... (37 stars)
    2011-09-06 09:30:05

    Creepy, creepy, creepy........... (34 stars)
    2013-06-12 22:02:30

    Here you go, kids. In advance of Saturday's game, Loiter's interview with the Wildcats' head coach, Sean Miller. (31 stars)
    2015-01-16 13:05:04

    Coach Jeff Smith: the Loiter Interview...... (31 stars)
    2011-01-05 16:18:04

    Top 10 Most Viewed Messages:

    Former Wyoming Basketball Coach Benny Dees, The Loiter Interview..... (1848)
    2011-01-14 15:34:56

    Oh the canvas can do miracles, just you wait and see. (1060)
    2011-02-28 17:54:47

    If Todd Graham was in a restaurant and suddenly choked on his meal, I'd order a double of Maker's and pull up a chair to watch him slowly die. (986)
    2014-10-29 21:01:27

    Well I'll be damned. Maybe there's hope for the U of U Marketing Department yet. Look what came with my season ticket renewal form this afternoon... (947)
    2011-03-30 16:43:49

    Monday morning at the office of the U of U Athletics Director...... (937)
    2011-03-28 14:51:22

    Monday morning at the U of U AD Office…….. (925)
    2011-03-12 09:50:46

    When they look back in the annals of history, they're going to be talking about three things: The discovery of fire, the invention of the submarine and the Flint Michigan Megabowl. (900)
    2011-03-24 09:15:04

    Freaky like my lady pyramid! (898)
    2010-10-27 23:03:21

    Guiot and Lee... (890)
    2011-04-05 14:31:52

    Enough of your boardmail already! After MadUte's "Brush With Lesbians" post, I guess I should share my own lesbian encounter..... (881)
    2006-11-30 15:13:49

    DISCLAIMER: UteFans.Net is not affiliated with the University of Utah, except that the owner, operators and contributing members are students, alumni, and rabid fans of the U. Additionally, the owner and operators of Utefans.Net are not responsible for the actions of those who use this public forum. By contributing to this forum you agree to abide by the Rules of Conduct outlined on the Post Message page.

    Forum - Boardmail - Profile - Schedule - Events - Photos - Archive - Quotable - Join!
    Home | About Us | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | News | Contact Us

    Copyright (C) 1998-2015 Utefans LC. All rights reserved. Partner of USA TODAY Sports Digital Properties.