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    Mullet Ute  icon
    Profile | Posts | Pics | Friends

    My Posts

    For all users. This page is automatically generated and contains the most recent and best work on the message board.

    Post Statistics:

    * Note: Current rankings are based on activity in the last calendar year.

    Recent Topics:

    Reseeding the Sweet 16: interesting analysis....

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-03-23 10:05:46

    http://espn.go.com/mens-college-basketbal l/tournament/2015/story/_/id/12538993/rese eding-sweet-16-men-ncaa-tournament-field

    >> View Responses


    Thanks a lot, Hoiberg

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-03-19 12:51:30

    >> View Responses


    I love Bill Walton.

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-02-26 12:52:35

    >> View Responses


    Danny Trejo in a Snickers Ad? Danny Trejo in a Snickers Ad!!!

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-01-29 14:06:13

    >> View Responses


    I've got to be honest, I'm disappointed in all of you. I've opened my heart and shared with you my affection for the women of the Cialis commercials.

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-01-27 18:35:03

    You've taken these beautiful 30 second vignettes of middle-aged monkey business and reduced it pics of the Wendy's girl. Aren't you smitten by the glimpses of their shared prelude to bumping boots? Consider the following...

    Patio Furniture Refinishing Lady: is the prospect of sanding a bench really a turn on for her? Is it that simple? I once hung a picture in the living room. Would that suffice for this vixen?

    Star-gazing Ice Queen: Astrology? Really...Astrology? The poor silver-haired fox of a husband looks completely uninterested in the stars, but has the resigned expression that a guy has to do what a guy has to do. I bet the telescope cost a fortune.

    Nacho MILF. Frankly, I may have done my rankings too quickly. Dressed out in her alma mater's gear, following the football game, then pulls off the Triple-Lindy and delivers a perfect plate of nachos? Hey, Nacho Husband....you need Cialis? She Brought You Nachos! YOU DON'T DESERVE THAT WOMAN!

    You all disgust me.

    >> View Responses


    Miss Universe Costume Contest? Miss Universe Costume Contest!

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-01-23 19:37:26

    NSFW if you work for The Man.

    http://www.wwtdd.com/2015/01/miss-univers e-costume-contest-went-well/

    >> View Responses


    Here you go, kids. In advance of Saturday's game, Loiter's interview with the Wildcats' head coach, Sean Miller.

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-01-16 13:05:04

    Sean Miller is the head men's basketball coach at the University of Arizona. Coach Miller started his career at Arizona in 2009 and has led the Wildcats to three NCAA Tournament invitations plus one appearance at the NIT. Prior to coaching the Wildcats, Coach Miller had a successful five year run at Xavier whereas he led the Muskateers to four NCAA appearances. Our intrepid UFN reporter, Loiter, was able to sit down this morning with Coach Miller at the Wildcat practice facility

    Loiter: Coach Miller, thank you for taking the time to speak with me.
    Miller: (* startled *) Wha…..Who the hell are you and why are you in my sauna?

    Loiter: I’m Loiter. We had an appointment. Your assistant told me to find you here.
    Miller: (* confused look, starts to gather himself *)……..Are you the guy that keeps texting me about some Russian dude?

    Loiter: Serbian, get it straight. Do you mind if I pour some water on these rocks? It always looks cool in the movies
    Miller: Your Not Supposed To……

    Loiter: (* pours water over heating element…..steam and sparks shoot through the sauna *)
    Miller: Jesus F………

    Loiter: Whoooweee! Guess I see why most guys wear towels in a sauna. Probably should’ve considered that.
    Miller: (* Annoyed *) Look, can we talk some other time?

    Loiter: Nope, nope. Shouldn’t take long, I only have a handful of questions
    Miller: (* Resigned expression *)……alright, knock yourself out. Just cover-up; your freckles are distracting.

    Loiter: Hmmm, I think of them as alluring, but tomato/tomatoe. According to folklore, you were quite the basketball savant growing up. Your ball-handling was so prodigious that you had a cameo in The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh. Is this correct?
    Miller: Yes, I had a small role as a kid.

    Loiter: I loved that movie. It starred Dr J, what was he like?
    Miller: Like I said, it was a small part and I didn’t interact with him much, but he seemed very nice.

    Loiter: How big was his package? I bet he was hung like a....
    Miller: What?…..I can’t believe you just asked me…… Listen, can we change the subject?

    Loiter: Sure, you also made a guest appearance on the Johnny Carson Show. How big was Carson’s..…
    Miller: If you’re just going to ask questions of how well-endowed all of my acquaintances are, we can stop this interview now.

    Loiter: Okay, no problem (* flips eight pages forward on legal pad *). Have you devised a scheme to contain Humpty tomorrow?
    Miller: Humpty? Who’s Humpty?

    Loiter: Shock G, from Digital Underground. You know, Humpty. He’s a rotational wing player for the Utes
    Miller: You mean the rapper?

    Loiter: Yeah, #35. He’s fun to watch.
    Miller: Isn’t that actually Kyle Kuzma?

    Loiter: That’s his birth name, but his handle is Shock-G….Humpty. (* starts singing Humpty Dance *)
    Miller: ….he’s got to be well into his 40s, I think you’re mistaken.

    Loiter: (* stands up) “You’re gonna fall when the stereos pump me”
    Miller: Please put on a towel.

    Loiter: (* starts to dance *) “I like to rhyme, I like my beats funky”
    Miller: I’m beginning to feel very uncomfortable

    Loiter: “I’m spunky, I like my oatmeal lumpy”
    Miller: Towel! On! Now!

    >> View Responses


    Here you go kids, fresh off the wire: Loiter's interview with USC basketball coach Andy Enfield.

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-01-02 13:25:19

    Andy Enfield is the head men's basketball coach at the University of Southern California. He came to national prominence as the head coach of Florida Gulf Coast University when his team advanced to the Sweet Sixteen at the 2013 NCAA Tournament. Our intrepid UFN reporter, Loiter, was able to sit down this morning with Coach Enfield prior to tonight’s game.

    Loiter: Coach Einfield, thank you for taking the time to sit down with me. Before we get started, I’m a bit unfamiliar with this hotel, do you know if we’re within 100 yards of a school or church?

    Enfield: I don’t believe so, why do you ask?

    Loiter: No reason (*wipes brow*). You’ve taken over the USC basketball program from PAC-12 commentator Kevin O’Neill. O’Neill was notorious for having a 100-page playbook. Tell me, what exactly was on those 100 pages? Because I saw O’Neill’s offense, and it didn't appear to have any set plays of any kind. Was the book mostly a compilation of Fleetwood Mac lyrics?

    Enfield: I’m not aware of such a playbook.

    Loiter: After selling a successful start-up company, you went on to coach Florida Gulf Coast to the NCAAs while being married to a former model. What’s it like being one of those insufferable pricks who has everything go his way?

    Enfield: It’s all right, I guess.

    Loiter: Your guard, Katin Reinhardt. Douche Canoe or just your run-of-the-mill Douchebag?

    Enfield: Uh,….neither?

    Loiter: He looks like the kind of guy who makes you want to stock up on Purell.

    Enfield: is that a question?

    Loiter: Your forward, Strahinja Gavrilovic; is he Irish?

    Enfield: Uh, no.

    Loiter: You’re a successful and mildly attractive man and since I’ve shot-gunned five Appletinis this morning; may I kiss you (* turns on boom box *)

    Enfield: No thank you.

    Boom Box: “I don’t want to wait for our lives to be over, I want to know right now what will it be…”

    Loiter: You have a very kissable mouth and a chiseled chin.

    Enfield: Stay away from me.

    >> View Responses


    I would hope you would support who we are. Not, who we are not. These six individuals have made a choice to work, a choice to sacrifice, to put themselves on the line 23 nights for the next 4 months, to represent you, this high school.

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-11-07 15:31:10

    That kind of commitment and effort deserves and demands your respect. This is your team.

    >> View Responses


    Second Request: Seeking a pair of lower bowl basketball season tickets.

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-10-03 17:32:53

    Greetings Everyone-

    This is an excellent opportunity for one of you to have your very own ‘brush with greatness’ story. I’m in need of a pair of lower bowl season tickets for the Runnin’ Utes, and you might be the lucky person to sell them to me. Since I’m a man of the people, I prefer to source these tickets from you: because the ticket office is for losers. You and I (*loosens ascot, sniffs brandy*)…..we are not losers.

    Some items of note regarding myself and our potential transaction:

    • I’m the Jack Nicholson of the JMHC. Like Jack, I have little effect on the outcome of a game, but I can make a bad game interesting. So it’s pretty important that one of you steps up and works a deal with me.

    • I will not sit in Section J. I don’t care what my dry cleaner says:you cannot get the smell of Section J off your garments. It’s the herpes of aromas.

    • I may or may not pick the tickets up in person. Should you want to meet West of Highland Drive, you’ll have to work with my security detail. West of State Street? (* leans back in chair, makes dismissive wanking motion *)

    • I realize that I’ve been flexible in the past, but if you want to discount the price of the seats in return for me sleeping with your wife, it will have to be 50% of the face value of the tickets. Almost forgot, I get the rights to the video; this is non-negotiable.

    So (* finishes brandy, throws glass in fireplace), should you have tickets, drop me a boardmail. Do it….do it for America.


    Mullet Ute

    >> View Responses


    I'm so conflicted about tomorrow. I want Mike Leach to be my uncle.

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-09-26 12:44:09

    >> View Responses


    Ever been to Fresno? It's like Tooele without the whimsy.

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-09-03 21:53:52

    >> View Responses


    The Sands Sportsbook odds for tomorrow's tailgate vs Idaho St:

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-08-27 21:10:41

    Newbomb takes his shirt off before kick-off: 5-1

    Ute King keeps his shirt on before kick-off: 5-1

    Sfork initiates and wins bareknuckle brawl with Bengal alumni: 15-1

    Chucker initiates and wins bareknuckle brawl with Bengal alumni: no-line
    (since Chucker is part lycan/part Chili-Mac, bookies won't touch this)

    Loiter has sex with a patron from the Green Pig in Shasta's trailer: 6-5

    >> View Responses


    Minutes from the HAP Board of Directors meeting last evening (and pub-crawl review)

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-08-17 19:55:34

    HORSE-A-Palooza Quarterly Board Meeting, Attendees:
    • Mullet Ute: Chief Science Officer, HAP Spirit Animal
    • Newbomb Turk: Chief Financial Officer, HAP Historian
    • Loiter: Chief Operating Officer, HAP Svengali

    Piper Down
    My father once gave me some great advice. There are some jobs that are best left to professionals: brake repair, interventional medicine and tattoo art. Regarding the later, it’s apparent that the patrons of Piper Down have no fathers. That or there’s a tattoo artist with Parkinson’s that’s playing a terrible joke on a lot of people.

    Between that, and the kaleidoscope-like scent of urine, body odor and Jameson’s, Piper Down was deemed unfit for any HAP business and we agreed to adjourn to the next location.

    Junior’s Tavern
    Junior’s was also deemed unfit for HAP business, not so much that it’s a bad establishment (it’s not), but that it’s completely forgettable. The vanilla ice cream of bars, if you will. In fact, I can only remember two things from that bar:

    “Wow, that’s a big @#$%ing mirror”…….Loiter.

    “She looks like Betty Paige”…….Newbomb Turk. (this was said in reference to a female patron of Junior’s….Turk then spent the next fifteen minutes explaining who Betty Paige was).

    It was over sushi that the HAP Board of Directors passed the first resolution of the evening. Loiter motioned that collegiate football teams with one-armed kickers should hereby be deemed as a protected species and assured top 25 ranking. The motion was met with awkward pause by Turk and Mullet (plus a WTF expression from the sushi chef), but after three Sapporos the motion was approved. A research grant was commissioned to investigate if one-armed collegiate football kickers are an exception to Rule 34.

    Murphy’s Bar and Grill
    If you are an attractive middle-aged woman who was walking hand-in-hand with your daughter after the curtain fall of Wicked, and you were startled from someone shouting “Check out that MILF!”……….then you had the privilege of being in close proximity to Newbomb Turk. This must’ve been a big moment for you.

    Green Pig
    It wasn’t until the Board secured a secluded table on the rooftop of the GP where real business commenced. The following motions were presented and approved:
    • When it comes to the attractiveness of the opposite sex, Mullet has no ‘type’. The motion was approved that moving forward he needs to establish a type.
    • In a mythical arena, a Great White shark would defeat a Silverback Gorilla in a fight to the death.
    • When you buy Loiter a Pabst Blue Ribbon and you chant “Ginger” three times, he must show you the picture of his mullet on his phone.
    • The next HAP Board of Directors meeting is scheduled for December 20th, immediately after the UNLV-Utah basketball game…..at the Spearmint Rhino (duh).

    >> View Responses


    I'm adding "Ice Up, Son" to my conference room lexicon immediately

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-08-13 12:04:25

    http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2014/ 08/steve-smith-wins-money-by-not-fighting . html

    >> View Responses


    I've met my share of celebrities in my life. Liam Neeson (snores). Robert Redford (little). Bruce Hornsby...twice (kind of awesome). Summer Sanders (hit on....and rejected). Kate Pierson (kind of hit on...kind of hit on back....long story).

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-07-21 19:16:09

    But tonight I met Kareem Abdul Jabar. I was completely star-struck.

    >> View Responses


    Forced ranking of the couples from Cialis commercials. Thank you, Internet.

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-07-03 12:42:05

    http://uproxx.com/tag/cialis-couples-rank ed/

    >> View Responses


    The HAP and The Furious

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-06-02 17:45:25

    >> View Responses


    There will never come the day that UteKing fails to showcase his hoop skills at HAP. It will just get progressively harder to watch.

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-05-13 12:30:45

    >> View Responses


    HAP 2014: basketball, showmanship and hepatoxicity.

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-05-01 11:02:40

    >> View Responses


    HAP 2014: This is probably a big moment for you.

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-04-30 12:46:12

    >> View Responses


    Interwebs, how I love you so.....

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-04-08 15:38:44

    >> View Responses


    Nice thing about road games? My liquor cabinet.

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-03-16 18:46:40

    >> View Responses


    Wazzu timeline....

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-02-07 21:37:20

    6:00pm: Tip

    8:00pm: Utes win, reluctantly press down on oversized plunger at midcourt

    9:00pm: Loiter arrives home, binge drinks peppermint schnapps

    10:00pm: Loiter submits stream of consciousness post on UFN, bitching about officiating

    >> View Responses


    Utah 71, UCLA 65

    by Mullet Ute
    2014-01-18 11:48:12

    >> View Responses


    Seriously. I want to have sex with this movie. Passionate, primal lovemaking.

    by Mullet Ute
    2013-12-11 22:20:54

    http://trailers.apple.com/trailers/sony_p ictures/americanhustle/

    >> View Responses


    For the handful of truly depressing basketball nerds on the board, you might take interest in that Demetrius Walker is on the Grand Canyon roster. For the uninitiated, Walker is the central figure in the book They Played Their Hearts Out.

    by Mullet Ute
    2013-11-21 11:47:26

    In my opinion, the best basketball book since Loose Balls; a sad yet compelling account of the AAU basketball scene.

    http://www.amazon.com/Play-Their-Hearts-O ut-Basketball/dp/0345508610

    >> View Responses


    Come on out Thursday night and watch the Runnin' Utes take on the University of Phoenix. Some game notes.....

    by Mullet Ute
    2013-11-19 10:35:57

    The Antelopes are coached by former Phoenix Sun and skin bronzer-enthusiast Dan Majerle

    Section J will be present for Thursday's contest. Remember to keep the lids on your soft drinks tight and avoid direct eye-contact.

    While the Ute's have been drubbing their opponents this year, the defense has been allowing open looks from 3 point range. Expect the Antelopes, sharpshooters from +20', to test the Ute's perimeter defense.

    The sentence above was a work of fiction. The author has not researched the Antelopes beyond perusing Google images of Majerle

    Half-time will consist of Newbomb Turk walking through the stands showing children the scar from his appendectomy

    The sentence above was true.

    >> View Responses


    University of Utah Runnin' Utes vs UC Davis Aggies tipping off at 8:00pm. First five hundred fans get to touch Rocker Ute's hair.

    by Mullet Ute
    2013-11-15 14:37:16

    >> View Responses


    In the spirit of charity, I will gladly sign over my trademarks to all of my previous rec-league basketball teams to the University of Utah

    by Mullet Ute
    2013-11-12 12:47:17

    Walker Texas Rangers
    Copper Camel Fiesta
    White Guy From CHiPs
    Hornacek's Cowlick
    "WOOOOOOOO" (Ric Flair pronunciation)

    >> View Responses


    Top 10 Most Recently Posted Messages:

    To all of those ladies who ran the Shoreline Trail this weekend in their spankies........God Bless You.
    (1 day ago, 7 stars)

    62 Stack Monster
    (4 days ago, 3 stars)

    However will the Heston Supper Club survive these sanctions?
    (4 days ago, 2 stars)

    No authorized travel to Indiana.....bummer(?).
    (4 days ago, 3 stars)

    .....or Loiter, dressed as a clown. What he refers to as 'Casual Friday'
    (4 days ago, 6 stars)

    Besides, I hate parades. Too high of probability that there will be clowns.
    (4 days ago, 7 stars)

    Easy on the hyperbole there....we've been ranked since December and have lived up to our 5 seed thus far. We're not David; we're the contender that the NCAA selection committee projected us to be.
    (4 days ago, 12 stars)

    ^ gets called for Flagrant 2s at HAP
    (5 days ago, 4 stars)

    Ron Baker's haircut; is that "The Rachel" ?
    (5 days ago, 2 stars)

    I think Hassan Whiteside and Rudy Gobert would not agree with your claim.
    (7 days ago, 1 stars)

    BTW, Season 2 of Silicon Valley starts next month. I'm waiting for the perfect meeting to barge in and shout "Okay, which one of you straight-haired $&@#-farmers......?"
    (7 days ago, 1 stars)

    I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I'm having myself a spectacular hair day.
    (7 days ago, 2 stars)

    Rupp is a bold choice. The right choice.
    (8 days ago, 4 stars)

    So, where are you going with that goatee? 1996? (* rimshot *)
    (8 days ago, 5 stars)

    ^ was a Hall Monitor in grade school.
    (8 days ago, 6 stars)

    I'm okay with the 12 seed; some recency bias with NC State at #7.
    (8 days ago, 1 stars)

    Reseeding the Sweet 16: interesting analysis....
    (8 days ago, 3 stars)

    Jiggy and French Jesus.
    (10 days ago, 1 stars)

    I'm not good at math.
    (11 days ago, 2 stars)

    The Valpo/Utah championship game is destiny.
    (11 days ago, 3 stars)

    ....just a simple dude who loved himself some milkshakes.
    (11 days ago, 3 stars)

    Which is not really a slam, because I have nothing but fond childhood memories of Grimace.
    (11 days ago, 1 stars)

    Josh Smith looks like Grimace.
    (11 days ago, 0 stars)

    Tonight’s start was electric. Just both teams riding quasars all the way to the top of the mountain to the promised land!
    (11 days ago, 3 stars)

    ^ went to Great Clips this morning and asked for the "Walkup"
    (11 days ago, 10 stars)

    So I was confused last night. Was the SFA mascot a Lumberjack or a Bear?
    (11 days ago, 3 stars)

    RE: Here's why SEC considers BYU as P5...
    (12 days ago, 7 stars)

    Thanks a lot, Hoiberg
    (12 days ago, 3 stars)

    What do you raise on a Loiter farm? Unicorns? No wait....Serbian Unicorns?
    (13 days ago, 6 stars)

    (* taps mic *) ...is this thing on?
    (13 days ago, 2 stars)

    Like, three levels worse than DiMaria....who sucked in his own right.
    (13 days ago, 0 stars)

    You see, it's funny because Luka Drca sucked.
    (13 days ago, 1 stars)

    ....in the CBI.
    (13 days ago, 2 stars)

    Drca? 1 seed
    (13 days ago, 2 stars)

    If Antonio DiMaria was still on our roster, we'd be a 2 seed.
    (13 days ago, 0 stars)

    Fluffing doesn't pay well?
    (14 days ago, 11 stars)

    I've had two interactions with Greg Miller. I would describe him as Tommy Boy-esque.
    (15 days ago, 12 stars)

    .....and they're also douchebags.
    (15 days ago, 3 stars)

    ....and don't forget their douchieness.
    (16 days ago, 2 stars)

    I wonder if they have collar-popping practice or if it just comes naturally to them?
    (16 days ago, 2 stars)

    Those names on the SFA roster can't be true. It reads like an all-star team for frat boy douchebags.
    (16 days ago, 5 stars)

    Jiggy/Kupets in 2016
    (17 days ago, 1 stars)

    The much anticipated Utah/Valpo match-up is looming large.
    (17 days ago, 1 stars)

    ....a 70 square mile volcanic cinder dome?
    (18 days ago, 6 stars)

    Have you ever been out to the Cima Dome in the Mojave National Preserve?
    (18 days ago, 2 stars)

    Have you ever been to a volcano when it was erupting?
    (18 days ago, 2 stars)

    Volvo is an interesting company in that it's target consumer is made up exclusively of lesbians and set-shooters.
    (18 days ago, 3 stars)

    The Ford Administration.
    (20 days ago, 2 stars)

    Goldstar is the finest beer on the planet. Any argument to the contrary will just showcase your own ignorance.
    (20 days ago, 1 stars)

    Anne, I swear to Gawd, if you were the last kid in the pool, I'd pull the tarp over you.
    (25 days ago, 2 stars)

    You know what, Anne Hathaway? That's a good @#$%ing joke.
    (25 days ago, 1 stars)

    I'm disappointed in all of you that I had to discover The Wahlberg Solution all by myself.
    (25 days ago, 1 stars)

    ...and Landpoke's streams of consciousness on the truthiness of porn.
    (25 days ago, 3 stars)

    Almost as much fun as Loiter's badger-like denial of his ginger-ness.
    (25 days ago, 1 stars)

    I miss the debates of UFN past on the differential between Jiggy's actual/listed weight.
    (25 days ago, 1 stars)

    ^ knows his planes
    (26 days ago, 3 stars)

    Got to hand it to you; four sentences passed before you dropped the humble-brag. Well played.
    (26 days ago, 8 stars)

    I got something for you.....Go Get It!
    (27 days ago, 5 stars)

    Arguing with Tacoma is like debating against a Labrador.
    (27 days ago, 4 stars)

    RE: Gabe York's missed free throw and put back wasn't all Isaiah Wright's fault.
    (28 days ago, 4 stars)

    Was that the same night I warned you of getting your arse kicked if you dressed up as Adam Ant? That gal who suplexed you was farm-girl strong.
    (28 days ago, 3 stars)

    ...and epic dunk on Plumlee.
    (29 days ago, 2 stars)

    RE: Currently on the front page of ESPN.
    (32 days ago, 11 stars)

    Mark my words; not casting Tara Reid has secured this film's doom.
    (32 days ago, 5 stars)

    ^ also hates puppies and manatees
    (32 days ago, 10 stars)

    ^ hates America
    (32 days ago, 9 stars)

    My only regret from last night's game was not having Dave Pasch and Bill Walton call the second half.
    (32 days ago, 9 stars)

    ^ 5' 8" 242 lbs
    (32 days ago, 7 stars)

    ^ 5' 4", 215 lbs.
    (32 days ago, 4 stars)

    I love Bill Walton.
    (33 days ago, 4 stars)

    The commentary from the second half was.....magical. Pasch is a perfect compliment to Walton.
    (33 days ago, 1 stars)

    Gingers aren't eligible for scholarships. To be perfectly frank, I miss the old days when gingers kept to themselves and had their own leagues. (* sigh *)......I miss the 90s.
    (34 days ago, 10 stars)

    ^ knows what he's talking about; owns a green eyeshade.
    (34 days ago, 1 stars)

    Fair question, but which player from this year's recruiting class would've you dropped to take him on?
    (34 days ago, 7 stars)

    For those attending the HAP Shareholder Meeting at the Spearmint Rhino, the attire will be business-casual. So, in Scratch's case, Dolfin shorts are acceptable.
    (34 days ago, 4 stars)

    Soft Jazz is our auditor. I'd prefer Turk, but he is prone to drink.........and to bribes.
    (35 days ago, 3 stars)

    I always report stripper expendentures as an arbitrage write-off. But then again {* pops collar *} , I'm a Player.
    (35 days ago, 1 stars)

    I challenge you to attend the HAP shareholder meeting in Vegas. I need someone to smoothe-talk the bouncers after Turk and Loiter pelt the strippers with dimes and quarters.
    (35 days ago, 1 stars)

    (35 days ago, 5 stars)

    Words cannot describe how much I am looking forward to Turk throwing dimes at strippers.
    (35 days ago, 6 stars)

    I will grant you one share of HAP stock if you make our meeting. This could be ...(* punches adding machine *) a tens of dollars opportunity to you.
    (35 days ago, 5 stars)

    So let me get this straight. We've got #13 team facing a pivotal game against UofA Saturday, plus two weeks away from the HAP shareholder meeting at the Spearmint Rhino in Vegas for the PAC-12 Tourney.......and all we have to talk about is BYU?
    (35 days ago, 7 stars)

    ...by 'some' I mean five....maybe seven (?). Cut me some slack, I spent a day in Cincinnati.
    (35 days ago, 2 stars)

    I MAY have had some cocktails this evening.
    (35 days ago, 3 stars)

    Your Seniors Tour trophy has an asterick.
    (35 days ago, 0 stars)

    He's asking about athletes, not swimmers (* rimshot *)
    (35 days ago, 6 stars)

    (37 days ago, 5 stars)

    I get that a lot. But then again, I lift.
    (37 days ago, 4 stars)

    I was jogging in Ft Lauderdale with my Ute hat two weeks ago. Some bikini model approached and asked if there was any type of sexual favor that she could provide me.
    (37 days ago, 7 stars)

    Poke fun at a lifter and they will relentlessly remind you they are a lifter.
    (38 days ago, 4 stars)

    ^ lifts in kilograms
    (38 days ago, 1 stars)

    (38 days ago, 2 stars)

    ^ has no inbound plays
    (40 days ago, 5 stars)

    ^ doesn't even lift
    (40 days ago, 7 stars)

    Weights or Kleenex?
    (40 days ago, 3 stars)

    Do you even lift?
    (40 days ago, 13 stars)

    Rebounding? That sounds like work.
    (41 days ago, 2 stars)

    Syntax is for pussies
    (41 days ago, 1 stars)

    My accountant says that Loiter owes me 19 buckets.
    (41 days ago, 1 stars)

    I have a utility patent to prove it.
    (41 days ago, 0 stars)

    Top 10 Most Recommended Messages:

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    You realize we're in the PAC-12, right? (43 stars)
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    Monday morning at the U of U AD Office…….. (41 stars)
    2011-03-12 09:50:46

    In all seriousness, I think I speak for all us in that Boise St has some darn-sharp new uniforms and we wish them nothing but the best of luck at the Tour de France next month. (39 stars)
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    This is a Pug dressed up as a Bantha. Your update is irrelevant. (38 stars)
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    Here you go kiddies, Mullet Ute's interview with USC football coach Lane Kiffin..... (37 stars)
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    Creepy, creepy, creepy........... (34 stars)
    2013-06-12 22:02:30

    Here you go, kids. In advance of Saturday's game, Loiter's interview with the Wildcats' head coach, Sean Miller. (31 stars)
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    Former Wyoming Basketball Coach Benny Dees, The Loiter Interview..... (1941)
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    Oh the canvas can do miracles, just you wait and see. (1069)
    2011-02-28 17:54:47

    When they look back in the annals of history, they're going to be talking about three things: The discovery of fire, the invention of the submarine and the Flint Michigan Megabowl. (1052)
    2011-03-24 09:15:04

    If Todd Graham was in a restaurant and suddenly choked on his meal, I'd order a double of Maker's and pull up a chair to watch him slowly die. (1018)
    2014-10-29 21:01:27

    Well I'll be damned. Maybe there's hope for the U of U Marketing Department yet. Look what came with my season ticket renewal form this afternoon... (953)
    2011-03-30 16:43:49

    Monday morning at the office of the U of U Athletics Director...... (946)
    2011-03-28 14:51:22

    Monday morning at the U of U AD Office…….. (936)
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    Freaky like my lady pyramid! (909)
    2010-10-27 23:03:21

    Guiot and Lee... (906)
    2011-04-05 14:31:52

    Enough of your boardmail already! After MadUte's "Brush With Lesbians" post, I guess I should share my own lesbian encounter..... (901)
    2006-11-30 15:13:49

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