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    Mullet Ute  icon
    Profile | Posts | Pics | Friends

    My Posts

    For all users. This page is automatically generated and contains the most recent and best work on the message board.

    Post Statistics:

    * Note: Current rankings are based on activity in the last calendar year.

    Recent Topics:

    Just another day at the office for Loiter & Chucker......

    by Mullet Ute
    2016-04-08 14:44:42

    NSFW if your IT guy hates you.

    >> View Responses


    Kuzma and the NBA draft. Why he could be in a better position to leave than Poeltl.

    by Mullet Ute
    2016-03-31 14:04:35

    For starters, I do not think Kuzma is ready for the NBA. In fact, I think he's safely a four year NBA prospect. But when you take a couple of factors into account, it would be a disservice to not research the feasible of entering the 2016 draft.

    Kuzma's Raw Talent
    Kuzma has length, a frame that can carry 240lbs, solid footwork and a natural shooting stroke. These are genetic gifts that can't be coached and the NBA takes notice. His shooting touch is particularly compelling in that it could be furthered developed and become the Stretch 4 that is the de rigueur prospect in today's game.
    I'm showing my age here in this comparison, but Kuzma reminds me of former Jazzman Chris Morris. If that's Kuzma's ceiling, there would be a line of NBA teams who would take that second round gamble.

    The NBA Collective Bargaining Agreement & The Rookie Scale
    Many years ago, the NBA and Players Association agreed to set a rookie salary scale. This benefited owners as well as the Players Association, since the union is looking out for their union members (veteran players), not rookies that have yet to see a minute on the floor. The scale, in its current iteration, provides 4 year contracts for first round draftees (two years guaranteed with team options for years 3 and 4). While there are additional variables to this scale (+/- 20% of the $ benchmark, draft order, etc.), it's a relatively fixed game. So much so, that player agents often waive their fees for their client's rookie deals since they're basically delivering zero value to the negotiation.
    The team option is the key factor into the scale. If you're an owner, and your lottery pick makes an immediate impact, you can effectively cap the ceiling at $6-7 million through year 4. In short, if you're a lottery pick and an immediate contributor, you're screwed until your second contract (yes, there are some exceptions like the Derrick Rose Provision, but these are exceptions and not the rule).
    Now, if you're a second round pick, you're off the salary scale. Your contract is often non-guaranteed, but with that comes flexibility and the opportunity to become a free agent by as soon as year 3.
    An extreme example of this dichotomy is with the Golden State Warriors. Draymond Green's 2016 salary is $14.3M versus the $11.4M of Steph Curry's. Why? Because Draymond's rookie deal (2nd round pick) spanned only two years with a player option at year 3 which he opted out of: making him an restricted free agent. Meanwhile, Curry (a lottery pick) has suffered from a mix of the rookie scale and timing. While he was over performing his rookie deal through year 4, he was still considered a significant injury risk in 2013 which the Warriors leveraged to the tune of a 4 year/$44M contract. Think about that: he'll be in the league for eight years before his salary is fair market valued.

    A Game of What If
    So let's say that Poeltl is the 10th selection of the draft and Kuzma is the 60th and both players realize their ceiling in year 2. Poeltl will be locked up at his rookie deal through year 4 while Kuzma hits the free agent market at the end of year 2. Even though a Chris Morris ceiling would be lower than Poeltl's, Kuzma would benefit greatly from the two year head start on his second contract (go crack open an accounting book and research the time value of money if you don't get this).

    Again, I don't think Kuzma is ready. He's yet to show that he can carry a team offensively, needs to get his FG % to match his pretty stroke and must work on becoming more situationally aware* on defense. But if you're looking out for the betterment of Kuzma's future, you should weigh both extremes of his basketball horizon; what would happen if he never played a game again, and what if he became Chris Morris?

    My conference call is nearing an end and I need to make some token comment to show that I was attentive to this meeting. I think a farm analogy will work with this group; wish me luck.

    * "situationally aware" is a registered trademark of Summer of SuperLoiter Enterprises.

    >> View Responses


    So Gary Shandling's friends paid their respects over the weekend by playing basketball on his home court. I sure as heck hope that Loiter doesn't die soon, I don't think I could round up that many scooters.

    by Mullet Ute
    2016-03-28 14:11:05

    http://uproxx.com/webculture/garry-shandl ing-friends-basketball/

    >> View Responses


    Who Said It: Trump or Archer. I scored 8 of 10.

    by Mullet Ute
    2016-03-18 12:41:59

    http://uproxx.com/tv/who-said-it-donald-t rump-or-archer/

    >> View Responses


    Runnin' Utes + Fresno St + Jameson = Blowout

    by Mullet Ute
    2016-03-17 17:07:10

    >> View Responses


    Loiter has been on a Vicodin/Peppermint Schnapps bender since Sunday, so there's no Fresno St interview. Please accept this Rodney Terry interview from 4 years ago......

    by Mullet Ute
    2016-03-17 10:42:29


    >> View Responses


    OMG, OMG, OMG.....

    by Mullet Ute
    2016-02-18 13:37:39

    >> View Responses


    I want to make love to this....

    by Mullet Ute
    2016-02-01 10:37:47

    >> View Responses


    Meanwhile, in Utah County...

    by Mullet Ute
    2016-01-13 17:39:26

    >> View Responses


    I'm an NBA fan. I know that a majority of the people on this site are not, but (unlike kickey-ball fans) I don't feel compelled to convert you. That being said, if you're a fan of hoops in general, you need to appreciate Stephen Curry.

    by Mullet Ute
    2016-01-12 09:01:24

    >> View Responses


    Well, that sure was a fun 24 hours. Time to move on and occupy our minds with something else. Here's mash-up of every time Samuel L Jackson has said MF in film. You're welcome.

    by Mullet Ute
    2016-01-07 13:40:58

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0LBi1MHo aU

    >> View Responses


    The cancellation fee for 2016 is a staggering......$80K

    by Mullet Ute
    2016-01-06 18:25:15

    >> View Responses


    Coach K be y'all like....

    by Mullet Ute
    2016-01-06 17:21:03

    >> View Responses


    My Christmas present for everyone on the board; two blondes playing basketball in thongs. Happy Holidays.

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-12-24 11:22:45


    >> View Responses


    @#$% Duke

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-12-17 12:23:08

    >> View Responses


    Oh, Internet. How I love you so.

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-12-03 20:10:44

    >> View Responses


    Here you go, kids. Loiter's interview with Pat Haden

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-10-22 15:34:19

    Pat Haden is the athletic director at the University of Southern California. He played quarterback for the USC Trojans before playing professionally in the National Football League for the Los Angeles Rams from 1976 to 1981. He is a Rhodes Scholar, a former practicing attorney and sports color commentator for CBS and NBC prior to accepting the role at USC. UFN's intrepid investigational journalist, Loiter, was able to secure Haden for an interview prior to this week's game at the Coliseum.
    ***************************************** *******************************

    Loiter: You’ve had quite a bit of experience in firing coaches midseason. What’s your preferred method in delivering the news? Western Union telegram? A brick with a note attached? Or is there an even less personal way? Getting a lawyer to show up and spit in the coach’s face? I could see that.
    Pat Haden: I’d prefer to keep our discussion to this Saturday’s game.

    L: So your Trojans are facing #3 Utah with an interim Head Coach. Does it make it more comfortable that you have a built-in excuse?
    PH: Utah has a fine program and we’ll be ready to play.

    L: When Steve Sarkisian was hired, it was promised as a "return to glory". Do you believe Clay Helton's hiring symbolizes a return to the time before the return to glory?
    PH: Coach Helton is a fine coach.

    L: Helton strikes me as the kind of guy who really likes yelling at children. True?
    PH: Coach Helton is polite and professional.

    L: You recently fainted on the sidelines of the Notre Dame game. Does that make you a bitch?
    PH: I wasn’t feeling well; I’m better now.

    L: I also see that you were a Rhodes Scholar. Does that make you a Fancy-Bitch?
    PH: No, it does not.

    L: Really? Because when I saw this picture of you, the first thing that popped into my head was “Oh my, what a Fancy-Bitch!”

    PH: Can we just talk about the game?

    L: Sure, let’s talk about some of your players on the roster. I see that your RB Justin Davis is from Stockton, CA. How much has he taught his teammates about the improper handling of firearms?

    PH: Justin is a fine Student-Athlete.

    L: Bo St Geme. Is that a stripper name?

    PH: Bo is a fine Student Athlete.

    L: Cyrus Hobbi. Seriously, are you guys just making @#$% up?

    PH: Cyrus is a fine Student Athlete.

    L: Maybe I can tryout for the team and you can call me Loiter ThunderSlice, King of the Ginger-Snaps?
    PH: I don’t know how to answer that question.

    L: Any truth to the rumor that you once murdered nine people in a massage parlor robbery?
    PH: That’s completely false.

    L: Seriously? Because Gordon Monson wrote that about you, so it must be true.
    PH: Are we done here?

    L: Yes. Unless……you want to get some Netflix and Chill?
    PH: Goodbye.

    >> View Responses


    I was reminded the other day that I still owe chapters 3-5 from the HAP Board of Directors Meeting. While I can detail the Redtide Tossing and how the decor of The Woodshed resembles the backdrop for a snuff film, I give you this instead.

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-06-26 13:28:31

    >> View Responses


    Where scooters, dog-shots and regrettable life choices collide....

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-06-25 10:56:18

    >> View Responses


    Part Two of a Five Part Series: Minutes from the 2015 Horse-A-Palooza Board of Director's meeting.

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-06-03 16:01:08

    Chapter 2: Bar X

    The trio proceeded three blocks to the West and entered Bar-X. Lucky for them, Loiter came equipped with extra scarves and fixed-gear bikes that enabled the Directors to blend into the crowd. Turk and Mullet lamented the days when it was a dive bar that catered to railroad workers and alcoholic undergrads from the U. Mullet commented that he still has his tankard glass that he swiped at the date of the original Bar X's closing. Turk commented that he still has the jar of pickled eggs that sat on the bar. Loiter ordered a daiquiri.

    SubstiUTE and his Man-Boy servant Cletus joined the session. After SubstiUTE purchased two rounds of drinks, the BOD agreed that not only was SubstiUTE a powerful and handsome man, but one of outstanding hygiene as well.

    SubstiUTE (artist's rendering)

    After brief deliberation, the BOD agreed to issue 2 Class B shares of HAP stock to SubstiUTE after he purchases a 10th round by the end of fiscal 2015.

    Seeking sustenance, the BOD agreed to launch their arduous journey from Bar X to the Beer Bar. To be continued in Chapter 3.

    >> View Responses


    Part One of a Five Part Series: Minutes from the 2015 Horse-A-Palooza Board of Director's meeting.

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-06-02 16:10:18

    Chapter 1: the Twilite Lounge

    Attendees consisted of Loiter and Newbomb Turk. Mullet Ute arrived 30 minutes late (@#$%ing corporate helicopter) and Shasta apparently left his testicles at the Minneapolis Airport, thus was recorded as absent. First order of business was asking Turk what type of garment he was wearing in place of a shirt. Turk indicated it was, indeed, a shirt.

    (exhibit A)

    Mullet commented that he’s cleaned fish on finer garments. Loiter commented that it looked like a White Elephant gift from a Red Lobster employee Christmas party. A motion was made by Loiter (seconded by Mullet) that Turk’s choice of attire was indicative of his decline in mental fitness, thereby should be stripped of his HAP Board seat. Turk responded by reminding Loiter and Mullet that he bought the first round of drinks. The motion was withdrawn soon thereafter.

    With the remainder of the group ready for the next destination, Loiter requested to stay long enough to play a round of pool because "Chicks dig Pool Sharks". After having his backside handed to him by a gentlemen with feathered hair and a Marlboro t-shirt, Loiter agreed to depart.

    A familiar scene throughout the evening

    >> View Responses


    Dinesh & Gilfoyle's 'Let Blaine Die' SWOT analysis in its entirety. You're welcome.

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-05-26 14:16:04

    http://www.ew.com/article/2015/05/15/sili con-valley-read-let-blaine-die-swot-board

    >> View Responses


    HAP 2011. Has it really been four years? Good times.

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-05-07 14:20:26

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gi2ehhySa sc

    NSFW if the IT guy hates you.

    >> View Responses


    I found my Soul Mate. NSFW if you have a crappy job.

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-05-01 15:02:17

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYqCS3kkr aE

    >> View Responses


    Reseeding the Sweet 16: interesting analysis....

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-03-23 10:05:46

    http://espn.go.com/mens-college-basketbal l/tournament/2015/story/_/id/12538993/rese eding-sweet-16-men-ncaa-tournament-field

    >> View Responses


    Thanks a lot, Hoiberg

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-03-19 12:51:30

    >> View Responses


    I love Bill Walton.

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-02-26 12:52:35

    >> View Responses


    Danny Trejo in a Snickers Ad? Danny Trejo in a Snickers Ad!!!

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-01-29 14:06:13

    >> View Responses


    I've got to be honest, I'm disappointed in all of you. I've opened my heart and shared with you my affection for the women of the Cialis commercials.

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-01-27 18:35:03

    You've taken these beautiful 30 second vignettes of middle-aged monkey business and reduced it pics of the Wendy's girl. Aren't you smitten by the glimpses of their shared prelude to bumping boots? Consider the following...

    Patio Furniture Refinishing Lady: is the prospect of sanding a bench really a turn on for her? Is it that simple? I once hung a picture in the living room. Would that suffice for this vixen?

    Star-gazing Ice Queen: Astrology? Really...Astrology? The poor silver-haired fox of a husband looks completely uninterested in the stars, but has the resigned expression that a guy has to do what a guy has to do. I bet the telescope cost a fortune.

    Nacho MILF. Frankly, I may have done my rankings too quickly. Dressed out in her alma mater's gear, following the football game, then pulls off the Triple-Lindy and delivers a perfect plate of nachos? Hey, Nacho Husband....you need Cialis? She Brought You Nachos! YOU DON'T DESERVE THAT WOMAN!

    You all disgust me.

    >> View Responses


    Miss Universe Costume Contest? Miss Universe Costume Contest!

    by Mullet Ute
    2015-01-23 19:37:26

    NSFW if you work for The Man.

    http://www.wwtdd.com/2015/01/miss-univers e-costume-contest-went-well/

    >> View Responses


    Top 10 Most Recently Posted Messages:

    All The Way on HBO. Excellent.
    (3 days ago, 2 stars)

    Cadwallader University.
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    Kanter plays defense like he's afraid to perspire. It's Loiteresque.
    (6 days ago, 5 stars)

    I've counseled Turk on two separate occasions regarding wearing halter tops to the office.
    (7 days ago, 8 stars)

    Is it fair that the Thunder can have a Dothraki on their roster?
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    Wilford Brimley was on the local news this evening. I've always had a thing for him.
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    I've always had a thing for Marisa Tomei.
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    Having just hired two engineers on H-1Bs, it's not about getting talent on the cheap; it's about getting the right talent.
    (8 days ago, 3 stars)

    I want to have sex with that movie.
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    900 East? Sounds like a dare.
    (14 days ago, 3 stars)

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    Stroker Ace?
    (15 days ago, 4 stars)

    Maybe next year they'll appeal to your aesthetic and film a Cannonball Run-themed commercial.
    (15 days ago, 7 stars)

    It's clever.....and way over your head.
    (15 days ago, 4 stars)

    "I drink and I know things"
    (15 days ago, 12 stars)

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    Lighten up, Francis.
    (18 days ago, 6 stars)

    I'd drop Grady and put Tiny McMillan (DT -85/86) in his place.
    (19 days ago, 2 stars)

    Hey Loiter, good luck at the Figure Eight Trailer Wars this weekend.
    (20 days ago, 2 stars)

    Frank Dolce? I wouldn't let him walk my dog.
    (21 days ago, 8 stars)

    ....and make sure someone explains to 480 what's going on.
    (22 days ago, 2 stars)

    I'm more than a little disappointed that no one has posted a gif of the the final scene from last night's Silicon Valley.
    (22 days ago, 3 stars)

    Ramsay Bolton. He seems nice.
    (23 days ago, 6 stars)

    Flyer. He's 6' 6" and a well-proportioned 245 lbs.
    (25 days ago, 8 stars)

    I know! Every time I'm in Newport Beach I can't help but compare it to Provo.
    (25 days ago, 11 stars)

    Last time I was in Ogden, my security detail lost two men.
    (26 days ago, 8 stars)

    I want to strip to the waist and get into a bare-knuckle brawl with the Trivago guy.
    (27 days ago, 0 stars)

    The Idaho Tech Bendals. WE WANT BAMA!!
    (27 days ago, 7 stars)

    This is the equivalent to merging Idaho & Idaho St to form a gridiron dynasty.
    (27 days ago, 13 stars)

    Little job-seeking tip for you pending grads. Don't close the interview by asking if there will be a drug test.
    (28 days ago, 12 stars)

    Dude, Kaufusi owned Dielman all afternoon in Vegas. He's far better off playing inside. I was pleasantly surprised with Keven Dixon. He's not a bender, but has nice feet and position in pass-pro.
    (29 days ago, 2 stars)

    That's smart moving Dielman to Guard. He's never had the feet to play Tackle at a high level. I hope Bolles plays as well as his highlight tapes, because we're in trouble if Barton is the LT.
    (29 days ago, 2 stars)

    Face it, Dinesh, you're gay for my code. You're code gay.
    (31 days ago, 4 stars)

    I think I'm going to put a tank top on tonight and get drunk.
    (33 days ago, 1 stars)

    .....and, of course, these recent earthquakes around the world can mean only one thing. GODZILLA!
    (33 days ago, 4 stars)

    ....a cholera outbreak in the NEZ.
    (33 days ago, 5 stars)

    There's also the risk of players getting mauled by rogue polar bears, so I say cancel it.
    (33 days ago, 7 stars)

    As we speak, somewhere in the San Fernando Valley, they're shooting a porn parody of Footloose.
    (35 days ago, 4 stars)

    .....so what's the legal ruling on Loiter paying me to watch him strip?
    (35 days ago, 3 stars)

    I drink while watching porn. @#$% the police.
    (36 days ago, 9 stars)

    He doesn't want your dick pics either
    (39 days ago, 6 stars)

    This is an ugly post.
    (39 days ago, 4 stars)

    If I've learned anything from producing homemade porn; it's all about the lighting.
    (40 days ago, 9 stars)

    The Kobe postgame celebration is epic. Gary Payton rocking the mock turtleneck, Adam Morrison's man bun and.....hey......Lamar Odom is still alive.
    (41 days ago, 6 stars)

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    That family in the CenturyLink commercials is downright rude to Paul Giamatti.
    (41 days ago, 5 stars)

    Patient Zero from the pending zombie apocalypse will come from the NEZ.
    (41 days ago, 6 stars)

    ^ 12min...
    (42 days ago, 2 stars)

    Spearmint Rhino.
    (42 days ago, 6 stars)

    You must be new here. Loiter IS a furry convention.
    (44 days ago, 4 stars)

    Took the dog for a walk around Sugarhouse Park this afternoon. We stopped for 5 minutes and watched a Bike Polo tournament. Hipsters are ruining America.
    (44 days ago, 5 stars)

    Uh, no. It's statistically proven that the three is the most efficient method to score.
    (44 days ago, 2 stars)

    Ahem, we shank people in the Bay Area. Stabbing is so gauche.
    (45 days ago, 3 stars)

    I am.......look at the suit Loiter is wearing.
    (46 days ago, 2 stars)

    Just another day at the office for Loiter & Chucker......
    (46 days ago, 4 stars)

    This evening is feeling like a gin night.
    (47 days ago, 5 stars)

    As a busy fluffer who doesn't have time to follow this stuff, I appreciate your work.
    (48 days ago, 12 stars)

    HAP Board of Directors meeting this Saturday evening at Studebaker's
    (49 days ago, 1 stars)

    .....it involves Pau Gasol, his mother and Chris Farley.
    (49 days ago, 2 stars)

    Yep. Not that I'm a Mitt Romney supporter, but he was absolutely correct when he said "Let Detroit Go Bankrupt".
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    btw...buy me a cocktail and I will share with you my story of meeting Greg Miller at the grocery check out line.
    (49 days ago, 2 stars)

    Simply put; Free Trade is economic Darwinism. Mercantilism does nothing but spawn the Greg Millers of the world.
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    I wish more people would read The Wealth Of Nations.
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    The mascot would've been a giant Raggedy Andy.
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    pfffft........the obvious name is the Salt Lake City Loiterzz
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    Hailey Vancouver?
    (50 days ago, 5 stars)

    ....also, the Reese's mascot is $&@%ing terrifying.
    (52 days ago, 1 stars)

    Watching the Reese's All-Star Game. First time I've seen Bolomboy play. Impressive dude.
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    I've never seen Scratch and Dennis Deyoung in the same room.
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    I like Skittles. I also like Maker's. But I don't like Skittles in my Maker's. So why in the hell is Axl Rose fronting AC/DC? Is this an attempt to posthumously ruin my childhood?
    (53 days ago, 4 stars)

    ^ rhetorical question
    (54 days ago, 1 stars)

    Kuzma and the NBA draft. Why he could be in a better position to leave than Poeltl.
    (54 days ago, 15 stars)

    Can You Dig It!?!?!?!?!
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    Step up your game and watch Billions.
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    So Gary Shandling's friends paid their respects over the weekend by playing basketball on his home court. I sure as heck hope that Loiter doesn't die soon, I don't think I could round up that many scooters.
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    Former Wyoming Basketball Coach Benny Dees, The Loiter Interview..... (2333)
    2011-01-14 15:34:56

    When they look back in the annals of history, they're going to be talking about three things: The discovery of fire, the invention of the submarine and the Flint Michigan Megabowl. (1765)
    2011-03-24 09:15:04

    If Todd Graham was in a restaurant and suddenly choked on his meal, I'd order a double of Maker's and pull up a chair to watch him slowly die. (1247)
    2014-10-29 21:01:27

    Oh the canvas can do miracles, just you wait and see. (1229)
    2011-02-28 17:54:47

    Well I'll be damned. Maybe there's hope for the U of U Marketing Department yet. Look what came with my season ticket renewal form this afternoon... (1101)
    2011-03-30 16:43:49

    Enough of your boardmail already! After MadUte's "Brush With Lesbians" post, I guess I should share my own lesbian encounter..... (1085)
    2006-11-30 15:13:49

    Freaky like my lady pyramid! (1064)
    2010-10-27 23:03:21

    Guiot and Lee... (1061)
    2011-04-05 14:31:52

    Monday morning at the U of U AD Office…….. (1059)
    2011-03-12 09:50:46

    Monday morning at the office of the U of U Athletics Director...... (1049)
    2011-03-28 14:51:22

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