For the handful of truly depressing basketball nerds on the board, you might take interest in that Demetrius Walker is on the Grand Canyon roster. For the uninitiated, Walker is the central figure in the book They Played Their Hearts Out.
by Mullet Ute 2013-11-21 11:47:26
In my opinion, the best basketball book since Loose Balls; a sad yet compelling account of the AAU basketball scene.
Come on out Thursday night and watch the Runnin' Utes take on the University of Phoenix. Some game notes.....
by Mullet Ute 2013-11-19 10:35:57
The Antelopes are coached by former Phoenix Sun and skin bronzer-enthusiast Dan Majerle
Section J will be present for Thursday's contest. Remember to keep the lids on your soft drinks tight and avoid direct eye-contact.
While the Ute's have been drubbing their opponents this year, the defense has been allowing open looks from 3 point range. Expect the Antelopes, sharpshooters from +20', to test the Ute's perimeter defense.
The sentence above was a work of fiction. The author has not researched the Antelopes beyond perusing Google images of Majerle
Half-time will consist of Newbomb Turk walking through the stands showing children the scar from his appendectomy
High-flying wing from Navarro College where he led the Fightin’ Labradoodles in scoring, averaging 11.5 points per game. Length, athleticism and adamantium coursing through his veins enables Onwas to be a shutdown defender from positions one through four. Solid mid-range shooter who received interest from a number of programs including Kansas State, TCU and the Legion of Doom. Owns 14 Hello Kitty backpacks. Onwas played in high school at Seven Lakes in Katy, TX; leading his team to a 32-7 record in District 5A. Princeton is the son to parents Carl Weathers and a Smith Machine.
As a value-added service to this board, I present to you the fifth of a series of roster profiles for the 2013/2014 Runnin' Utes. Today's profile; Marko Kovacevic.
by Mullet Ute 2013-10-31 13:44:03
Junior – Forward
Transfer from Western Nebraska Community College expected to contribute significant minutes for the Runnin’ Utes on the front court. Led the WNCC Cougars in 2012 to a 26-7 record and the Region IX (whatever that is) Tournament finals, averaging 11.7 points and a team-best 7.8 rebounds a game as a freshman. Spends summers interning at the customer service desk of a Russian surplus attack helicopter brokerage. Size, strength and rebounding will be put to use as Jordan Loveridge transitions to Small Forward. Has tattoo on his back of two Grateful Dead teddy bears……..stabbing each other in a prison yard. A shot-blocker (42 blocks in 2012 @WNCC), Marko is anticipated to be a key rim protector when the Utes transition to Pac-12 play. Likes to smoke Newport Menthols and watch the Blu-Ray version of Highlander in his free time. Marko is the son to parents Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale.
As a value-added service to this board, I present to you the fourth of a series of roster profiles for the 2013/2014 Runnin' Utes. Today's profile; Connor Van Brocklin.
by Mullet Ute 2013-10-25 15:36:07
Conner Van Brocklin
RS Junior – Long Snapper
Fruit Heights, UT
Transfer with deep shooting range who averaged 15.9 points per game at Snow College. Van Brocklin’s average of 2.5 three point field goals per game especially impressive since the Scenic Western Athletic Conference employs donkey-rules basketball for its regular season. Runnin' Ute head coach Larry Krystkowiak says of Van Brocklin, "Connor brings great shooting skills and maturity to our program." Native of Fruit Heights, UT and attended Davis High School, so………… he’s got that going for him. A self-proclaimed ‘hair gel enthusiast’. Connor is the son to parents Joey Fatone and Enid Greene.
As a value-added service to this board, I present to you the third of a series of roster profiles for the 2013/2014 Runnin' Utes. Today's profile; Brandon Taylor.
by Mullet Ute 2013-10-24 17:24:48
Sophomore – Point Guard
Los Angeles, CA
Saw time in 29 games as true freshman; starter for the last 13. Three-point threat (42%, 2nd in PAC 12) and playmaker (2.9 assists, 14th) who creates space on the offensive end of the floor. Uses whiskers on the side of his face to detect the high-screen pick & roll………..because he’s a cat. Enjoyed season high points (21) and assists (6) in win versus Washington. Fears nothing but universal remote controls. Had 10 points and buried a pickaxe into the small intestine of Allen Crabbe in Utah’s PAC 12 Tourney defeat of Cal. Brandon is the son to parents Donatello of Ninja Turtle Fame and a 150lbs compound crossbow.
As a value-added service to this board, I present to you the second of a series of roster profiles for the 2013/2014 Runnin' Utes. Today's profile; Xan Ricketts
by Mullet Ute 2013-10-23 12:24:42
RS Junior - Forward
Figures to play reserve role after transferring from Simon Fraser University in 2011. Has anywhere from 12-14lbs of undigested meat in his bowels. Saw time in 2012/13 against Willamette and College of Idaho. Inspiration for Xan Ricketts Fan Club, now up to 7 dues-paying members. Solid rebounding power forward who could guard small forwards on switch-outs. Likes to relax by watching Facts of Life reruns. Provides good looks on defense as member of scout team in practice. Formerly engaged to Mindy Cohn. Accounting major and on track for a sexy career as an accountant. Xan is the son to parents Michael Beck and Olivia Newton-John.
Perimeter player expected to make significant contribution in his freshmen year. Soft-shooting right-hander with range out to the 3 point line. As MVP, led his regional squad Ursping to the Arby’s Classic championship in Bristol, TN (unable to verify if this was a basketball tournament or a NASCAR Truck Series event). Possesses effective jab-step that frees up space for his jumper. Giggles uncontrollably when Coach Kristkowiak pronounces Ehingen. Moves equally well to his left as his right. In his free time, Kenneth enjoys scarves and Angela Merkel pornography. Anticipated to be in 7 man rotation. Kenneth is the son to parents Haddaway and Katarina Witt.
Mullet Ute's three-day expedition of Disneyland; musings from the edge:
by Mullet Ute 2013-04-05 15:16:46
You aren't getting any at Disneyland fellas; prepare for this as you must.
I haven't been to Disneyland since Senior Night (a long forgotten California event whereas Disney would close the Park a handful of spring nights for CA high school seniors). I fondly recalled daring my best friend to dance with the robots on the Pirates of the Carribean, to which he leaped from the boat before I could finish the sentence. It was then I was introduced to the urban myth of Disney Jail (Guess what? Real place!). Liquor may have been a factor.
Pocahontas? More like PocaHawtness.
I saw two Big Johnson t-shirts during my stay at the park. I continuously underestimate the Chad Sexington/FlyFishing Ute consumer demographic.
It's A Small World. WTH is up with the glaring ommision of Ireland? Why no children pounding near-lethal quanities of whiskey and bare-knuckle boxing with family elders? Thanks Obama.
Second best princess? The redhead from Brave; there was just something about her...her volumous (* holds invisible bowling balls near chest *) head of hair maybe.
Ran into Donald Duck at Frontier Land surrounded by a massive crowd trying to get their picture taken with him . He was wearing a coonskin cap and carrying an oversized aze. Sure, when I'm showing up to HAP without pants, swinging around a sharp object, everyone's shouting the safe word. Whatever.
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